Transition

I am at another fork in the road. A new endeavor lies ahead but I don't quite know what it is yet. I just know that it is coming. My job in the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) is quickly coming to its demise. It's funny that I joked over the weekend that I manifested this. I said that I would work 3-5 years in the school district and then move on to my next endeavor. I have finished my 4th year in the school district and have a high possibility of being laid off at the end of the month. What I had put out there is coming to fruition. Yet, at the same time, I do not know what my next path is. What's next? I have a list of career options and things that I have always wanted to do. I glance at that list and wonder, how do I even begin to start all over again?

Today, I had an inner calling. I had experienced a lot of trauma this month that made me sick, physically and emotionally. In hindsight, I see it now as a death to a portion of my life that can no longer be restored but that death was necessary for something new to be born. My spirit tells me to pray on it and to ask for whatever is coming my way to reveal itself. I know if I continue to meditate and pray everyday, it will come soon and reveal itself to me.

My spirit tells me so, my faith tells me to hold on and be aware. This is the time for me to stay grounded, to watch the signs ahead, to not worry and trust that all will be revealed soon enough.

Dad

I love my dad, like most daughters do. Some would call me a "daddy's girl" but I love my mom too, in different ways. It's just that my dad has a lot of qualities that I would want in my husband. He's patient, funny, kind, very intelligent, hard-working, social, active, a great provider, a great father, a loyal husband...I could go on and on. He's my hero.

I have just survived an intense week of my dad being in the hospital. It changed all of us. None of us will be the same. My dad has congestive heart failure. His heart beats faster than it's supposed to and if it is not controlled, water will build in his lungs making it difficult for him to sleep or breathe. He hasn't had proper sleep in the past week. He lost a lot of weight in the hospital. My mom and I lost a lot of tears and probably aged a bit from all the worrying, as well. I thought I was going to lose my dad. I still think at times, I'm not sure which is better: letting him go so that his suffering could end or keeping him alive on medication for his heart, his blood pressure, his anxiety, etc. But I truly prayed. I had not prayed in a long time. I asked God to make a decision for us but whatever decision it was to let us have the strength and the peace to endure it. He's home from the hospital now. I guess God and my dad's will, my mom and my prayers, along with everyone else's kept my dad alive. It's just that he's not the same. He's not all there anymore. I worry more about him wondering if he's getting sleep, getting rest. I'm trying to check in and talk to him more, see him more, but I also have to live my life, somehow through all of this. I will be there someday too. I love my dad and I miss him too. He is not as strong and sharp as he used to be. He has become the child and I have become the adult. It is my turn to take care of him.

In that week that I was in the hospital, it made me think a lot about life and the value of people, of experiences. Life is really shorter than we realize and passes us by very fast. It's important that we learn to treasure every second we have.

I have no regrets in my life. I have many fond experiences that have taught me so much.

and yes, I truly do love and respect my dad.

Diving in

Next week marks my first week in April filled with private vocal lessons, a return to yoga as a student, and ballet. I hope to focus more on my training this month with a possible 3rd session of acting classes with Dom Magwili. I can't believe I finally started watching "Glee" now after finishing the whole 2 series of "The LXD". I've continued with my commitment in seeing live theater after watching both "Beauty and the Beast" and "A Raisin in the Sun" for the month of March. For the month of April, I am looking forward to seeing Alvin Ailey's dance company.

Musical theater is my passion so I am devoted to it full force. April is my month of intense training: voice, dance, and acting, but with all of this, I can only get better and be stronger for my next round of auditions.

Rediscovering my love with my parents

As my parents age and I have witnessed it with my weekly visits, I have come to many realizations and epiphanies. Other than my parents physical health deteriorating slowly, I have come to appreciate many things about my parents. My dad is the best person to talk to, he has amazing stories and parables to share about his life and just life, in general. My mom is the best cook still and we have movie nights whenever I'm home. My parents will take my cats to see me, once they know I'm home just because they want to hear the happiness in my voice and the smile on my face when I see them.

I have learned to feel the love towards my parents, not just in my entrance nor my departure but throughout the process. In being with them weekly and growing with them through the years, I have learned to love them over and over again, not just as my parents but just as the amazing individuals that they are. I have learned the meaning of love for them, accepting their faults and shortcomings along with their strengths and reminders that they are human too.

I love them both deeply and am trying to soak in the quality from the time that I have left with them. Our roles have switched and they are like children, as I see the maternal nature develop within me through the passing of time.

I'm back!

I haven''t revisited this blog since October of last year. So much has happened since my last blog entry. I was living and discovery more of myself and reflecting internally. I may be doing more of that. I also am realizing how I like to live life privately and therefore, will find less of a need to write about my daily encounters in this blog. Eventually, I will transition out of this blog or just use it once in a while. I will set up a blog that will eventually be connected to my artist website and just include my reflections as an artist and keep that one professional. This will just be for friends and mainly, just for me to find outlets of just simply expressing my thoughts and reflections.

If you're still following this, thank you. I am honored.

Day 1, August 22, 2010: Welcome to C/Korea!

After nearly a 13 hour flight, sleep deprivation and excitement, I made it! Let's just hope I can make it to Daegu now with my little Korean speaking abilities, lol.

With a lot of help from a friend and his parents, my first taste of genuine Korean hospitality, I was able to navigate thru Seoul airport and make it to Daegu.

And from Sharon's recommendation, my first meal was nyangmyeon (cold noodle) to ward off the hot & humid day.

Produce street stands

Lo and behold, I got to try Sharon's other food recommendation on my first night: ttokboki/dokbokki. Spicy but YUMMY! I sought it out for the remainder of my stay because it was SO good. Unfortunately, even though it was everywhere, this was the only time I got to eat it =(

and for a little more culinary adventure, my friend, Adam, thought he'd introduce me to pig intestine! Little did he know, I'm Filipino, we're all about the pork & the insides too. Tasted just like lechon without the vinegar and the garlic =) The culinary adventure and my travels thru Korea have just begun!

Timeless at the Japanese American Culture & Community Center (JACCC)

Live mix by JRocc of the World Famous Beat Junkies.

FULL SCREEN
The Sounds of VTech / Timeless: JRocc at JACCC video