I was supposed to go out tonight but i chose not too because I wanted to be responsible about my job and making a good impression for my first day at a new school. That wasn't me before. Nothing stopped me. If I wanted to go out or if I wanted to do something, I just did it even though I know I would be tired the next day and hating life for a few hours from lack of sleep, I just did it. But for some reason today, I decided not to and I decided to try something else for a change. I decided to prioritize my work. I decided to handle my responsibilities. I decided to try something different.
I see myself changing right now. It used to be about quantity for me and not quality. I'm not gonna lie, I still have some of those tendencies but I'm starting to prioritize now instead and focus on building on a few things, getting better at a few things instead of believing I can do everything. I used to not take work seriously and now I want to be responsible and try to be a better counselor. I'm finally doing the things that I was scared of doing or that I didn't do because I thought they were difficult and that is in every aspect, in my job, in my hobbies, and within myself. I'm facing my fears, tackling my weaknesses, taking more responsibility of myself, holding myself accountable. I'm throwing out the excuses and doing instead of talking about doing it. I'm transforming internally and externally.
Every time I find myself going thru change, I also find myself losing people because I am not the same person anymore. It's like shedding skin, getting rid of the old to make room for the new. You have to sacrifice and lose some things to gain. That's the pattern of life. To be a better person is always a hard endeavor, but in the end I am the one who controls my happiness.
