I observed and did a lot of reflection this week. Humbly, I checked my ego and myself. I saw how a good friend is constantly teaching me more about myself than I realized or was willing to acknowledge. I listened to a teacher, while I trained, I mean, REALLY listened. Not just with my ears but also with an open heart.
Here are some of the things I had to re-teach myself, remember, and reapply:
1. Just like my mom, I like to get things done right away so I get it over with. If I begin something, I have to make sure I finish it. I do so much at my job and have so little time, that quality is not always as important as quantity, and so I'm used to finishing things fast, so I can move on to the next task. But this is not just a tendency in my work, or with things, this is also my tendency with people, and sometimes people that are close to me. In relationships, I find myself rushing to get the answer, to complete the argument, to end the tension, to put closure on the situation, but in doing this I miss the beauty of the process and make so many mistakes along the way. Individuals are not work, everyone has their own flow, and I have to remember to slow down and trust the process to guide me to where I need to be. I need to have more faith and trust myself and the people I love.
2. Things are not always black or white, yes or no, and sometimes, I want the answer in the way I want it. If it's not one thing, it should be the other thing, and that's about it. But no, there is a spectrum, there are many options, and in between black and white, there is gray. Although, gray is not clearly as distinct as black nor white, it still exists as another color, another way, and falls somewhere in between or could be anything. Sometimes, I just need to be comfortable that the answer is not always as definite as I want it to be.
3. My teacher said "it is important to do the movement slowly". If we do it too fast, then the movement can come out sloppy and it becomes easier to predict and see when you're looking at the big picture. Yet when we do the movement slow, we can pay attention more to the detail and will make fewer mistakes. Less opportunities to make things predictable and instead there is opportunity to enjoy the growth and the process. So I reminded myself, "it is the same thing with love and the relationships we build with others". The slower, the better. Enjoy the process! You'll get to the end, we all do, but the process is where the foundation exists.
4. "When you close your eyes. You are able to listen to the detail of the music and the song. But when you have your eyes open, it is harder to concentrate on just the music a lone because you are looking at so many things around you and become distracted." It is the same with people that we meet. We can be distracted by what is being shown on the exterior of the person, but when we truly close are eyes and listen with our ears and hearts, is when we truly understand the situation, the beauty, and the individual, for who they really are and not what they present nor look like.
Yes, I am still a humble student of life.
